Rest in Peace, Michael

I think Michael Jackson was a beautiful, sensitive, and amazingly talented person. I feel sad that he was crucified so much by the press. How many celebrities donate as much money as he did to charities around the world? I think he was singled out BECAUSE he was a good person...and that's just sad.

Growth

Growing up is hard once you get past the mandatory phases of childhood, adolescence, etc. I look very similar to the way I did when I was just finishing high school (a little more womanly, I hope? I looked so immature back then...) and without the physical changes I used to experience, I somehow feel like I haven't grown at all inside. At the same time, I know that in many ways, I must have changed as a person over all of this time. It's just hard to visualize those changes now...hard to measure the days that fade in and out and what they mean to me. Part of the reason I keep this blog is for that very reason. I like having a measuring stick that shows me who I am, who I have been, and everything that I've thought about along the way.

Anyway, not much else to say. :) My happiest project lately has been decorating my apartment and getting furniture for it and so forth. Maybe I will post pictures of it soon. I love the Chinese art I keep finding on Ebay and I hope I can find a place for everything! Decorating is so fun! Hopefully I won't get carried away with all of these purchases, haha. :)

No One Left to Speak

Not that placing bets will help, but if I had to guess, I'd say that North Korea is going to be responsible for the beginning of the next World War. I have a feeling that in ten years, everyone will be wondering why we didn't notice the signs in time. How could we have possibly stood by and done nothing?, we'll say. People always say that they don't think a nuclear war would be possible unless nuclear weapons got into the hands of a complete and utter lunatic. Isn't that pretty close to happening? :/

First they came for the Jews
and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the Communists
and I did not speak out because I was not a Communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists
and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for me
and there was no one left to speak out for me. (Martin Niemöller)

(No lymphoma, by the way. I'm thankful for that. I guess I would be kind of crazy if I weren't. ;)

Sick

Sometimes I don't think I really appreciate how quickly life can change. Just a little bit over a month ago, I was doing fine--now I have a fever that comes and goes on a daily basis and I am being tested for lymphoma. I really hope I don't have it. :/ I have been shutting myself away for the past few days because I feel so nervous about it.

Learning

I'm not sure if I'm just an incredibly curious person, but now that I'm getting ready to dedicate myself to one avenue of study, I keep thinking man, I wish I could study everything! I can't stop imagining how amazing it would be to enter graduate school for literature or anatomy or whatever other subject I happen to be thinking about. Unfortunately, there is only so much time and I would like to be able to have time in my life for a family, relationships, etc. If only we lived forever. :)

Regret, Etc.

People always say that we should live life to the fullest. As good as that sounds, I think it can be a little bit tough to apply to the real world. If I knew that I only had a year to live, I probably wouldn't go to medical school--I would write and spend time with the people I love. As it is, I anticipate living a little bit longer than that. :) Will I not be living life to the fullest by pursuing my dream of working in global health?

If you ask me, the difference between living life to the fullest and letting life pass you by is learning to have the courage to take risks when you could play things the safe way. I have told a guy I loved him and been completely rejected before. It was a pretty crappy feeling, but you know what? It was worth it. When I look back, I don't regret telling him how I felt because I don't have to spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened if I had. If we missed out on something, I know that it's not because of something I did or didn't do. The pain of being rejected fades away, but I'm pretty sure the pain of regret stays in it for the long haul. I'm more of a "rip the Band-Aid off quickly" kind of person, so what I did was right for me. :)

So yes, as much as it's terrifying in some ways, I think that if you really want to live, you have to be willing to put yourself out there sometimes. Even if things don't turn out the way you hoped they would, at least you had it in you to try.

Not sure what I else I want to add to this thought. :) There are always things I would have done differently if I had the chance (I personally regret anything I've done that hurt someone), but I don't want to live feeling like I always stayed with the comfortable choice instead of taking the gambles that I really wanted to. Hopefully someone else can relate to that.

Laceration

So I badly lacerated my thumb at work on Thursday, and I'm very grateful that the wound wasn't worse than it was! I was preparing samples with a microtome and while I was trying to unload a sample, my hand slipped and fell on the diamond blade. The blade cut my thumb all the way down to the bone. As soon as I saw the injury, I knew I would need stitches. I ended up needing six to close the wound. I am just grateful that I didn't damage any tendons or bones. I may lose some sensation on the tip of my thumb for a while (I cut a nerve), but that's okay. :) This accident might have killed me seven years ago and it was a LOT less serious than it could have been with a blade that sharp, so I feel very lucky.

I actually find the process of watching a wound heal to be very fascinating. The human body is so amazing. I am so glad I will be studying it in depth for the rest of my life!

(By the way, can anyone tell me how to "follow" people on Blogspot? I can't figure it out.)